lra,

I think it was | that farted today when we were reading those web pages. l'm writing because | wanted to say "excuse me" and | suddenly felt the need to make sure you didn't think | was literally scent marking or something. (Yesterday, | meant that my use of engineering skills in decorating might be viewed as scent marking in an abstract way.)

The problem with bringing-up the topic of double meanings is it can lead to all kinds of confusion, especially when two parties are aware of it and think the other might intentionally be placing double meanings out there. It's not that bad when | see double meanings out there and think the speaker was unaware that a spirit or something was talking through him. What! don't like is when a double meaning comes from me and | think my meaning was not received correctly. Or, when | think another person placed a double meaning there intentionally.

This double meaning stuff might be like Pandora's box: A Greek mythological person opened a box that contained many mostly bad abstract things, releasing them, but closed it in time keeping "hope" inside. You may want to refrain from mentioning double meanings to anyone else, | don't really know.

Did you notice that before we viewed web pages, | said | was trying to think outside the box about sanding chips to probe them. Then, that Pandora's box web page came-up. I'm a veteran to that sort of thing and generally cope with it alright.

I'm also a veteran to this psychological warfare crap relating to JFK and stuff, but it's still distracting. JFK was hated mostly because he was Catholic. It's possible he was killed for another reason, but Dallas is in the deep South with the KKK, so it's certainly hard to ignore the most likely reason. You're Jewish and with all the anti- Semitism out there, you certainly can understand how "Dallas 1963" might distract me.

Pandora's box applies to breaking the Secure Hash Standard, as well. They said it was used to encrypt password files on some computers. A user would have the same kind of knowledge available that we have in that case since he could change his password and watch what happened to the password file. Then, he could go after other people's passwords. The only real protection is limiting access to the password file. An administrator would have access and could learn people's passwords if someone broke the SHS.

| noticed that our temporary secretary started talking in Russian today. That was just what I needed with the rest of this. The obvious temptation was to think this information was going to the Russians.

| don't think this is entirely good, but after being bombarded with constant temptations to see spooky stuff around, I've reached a state where | don't react when I see something, but still think about it a lot. That's dangerous in case something really happens and | don't react.

Perhaps, I've been subjected to a systematic psychological warefare tactic to make me an easy victim, but it sure seems to have supernatural origins.

Here's an interesting story relating to my struggle with superstition or whatever you wish to call it. I'm telling this to show I'm a veteran to psychological warefare sort of attacks, be they from human or supernatural origins.

In the bible, there's a prophecy about an "antiChrist" who's supposed to be a bad guy. His followers are supposed to be marked with his number, "666". A couple years ago, when it was time to renew my credit card after changing addresses to Vegas, | was spooked when my new card number contained "666" consecutively. | asked for as new card 3 times but kept getting the same starting numbers. | canceled my card and lived off debit. My Mom scolded me for being superstitious and even warned that superstition can be worshiping false Gods.

Six months later, | bought my computer. Wouldn't you know it, the only decent one they had was a 666MHz. Ina triumph over superstition, | purchased it. Over the years, that purchase has ocassionally nagged at me. My Mom explained that "666" was a reference to the Roman Emperor, Nero's name. (The guy who fed Christians to lions.) The letters of "Nero" are Roman numerals that add-up to 666. She meant to convince me 666 was code-speak for someone like Nero. | felt a little better.

Not for long. About six months ago, | bought a CD-ROM burner for Graphic Technologies. When | installed the software, | discovered it was called "Nero burning ROM". Nero was also known for ruling while Rome burned. He played the fiddle.

| won't bore you with more psychological war stories, but know that | am a veteran, for what it's worth. I can't say if I'm good at combating it, since it adapts to my defenses. It's funny that when I went to Robbie's Bar Mitzvah, the Torah story was about the guy who wrestled with an angel and hurt his leg. It's in our bible, but | never heard it before. Sometimes that story seems to bring me peace in my struggles. The Christian version is similar but isn't so comforting--it says we all have "crosses" to bear just like Jesus. (Who carried the cross they hung him from up a hill.)

Terry

Ira, | said "What I don't like is when a double meaning comes from me and | think my meaning was not received correctly." What | meant was, "What | don't like is when two meanings come from me, one by accident." Ironically, the very sentence | tried to say had a stupid double meaning. Maybe, it really is a brain disorder of mine-- another person in my head | don't know about. Maybe, it's just that sloppy writing done by anyone yields double meanings. | don't truely believe the occurrences are chance, | believe they are by external spirits because the double meanings come from both me and other people about the same. Hey! If they are all in my head, maybe we can hire them all at Graphic Technologies. :-)

Terry Ira,

It's hard to know what you meant when we discussed publishing something together. In my paranoid way of thinking, | thought that might mean you would pretend to listen to me as a form of therapy (for me) and do nothing. I'm not sure | need therapy because what | experience is not that unpleasant and very wonderous, most

of the time... it is occasionally frightening, a little less now, or | am more courageous. In wonderment, I tuning-in messages from my environment and find it hard to get motivated to do much else but think about them. If I ever fail to meet my basic needs through honest labor, I'll seek therapy.

I'm not sure if you intended to publish my stuff in tabloids or what. | don't really care, except | wish to avoid disgracing the Catholic church in any way or getting ex- communicated (if they still do that.) Actually, I'm sincerely interested in making a positive difference, if possible, with the understanding that Catholic views are the ones | should be expressing. Before publishing anything, maybe | could find a Catholic authority to check to see if what | express would be sanctioned by the Church.

Let me tell you a story about my first mental health episode...

When I was at Ticketmaster, my last assignment was to work on assembling off-the- shelf devices into a point-of-sale station. My pride was not liking the project much because | suffered from the "if it's not made here, it's no good" syndrome. Arizona State University's library was nearby with many periodicals and | was sent to do research. | read from VAR (value added retailer) magazine and may have gotten into magazines geared toward retail store owners because | figured they were the one's we were going to market to.

It was culture shock for me, coming from the world of science/engineering (and freshly out of school) where you strive to present things clearly and honestly, when | read an article on 99 cent pricing. | was, perhaps, agitated and angered from other marketing articles and wasn't actually focusing. | read something to the effect that 99 cent pricing creates confusion among shoppers. | assumed it was referring to prices ending in '9's in general, not 99 cent stores. Looking back, I'm not sure which it was. Anyway, | also don't know if the article was saying creating confusion was a good thing or not, giving them the benefit of the doubt today, but back then | thought it was saying creating confusion to take advantage of shoppers was good. | was outraged. | had been brought-up with ideals like being a champion for the poor,stupid or weak. | set-out to fight-back. | was probably muttering things like "those mind-control fucks..." under my breath. That got me thinking to Hitler because he fucked with people's heads. Then, | thought, "He knew how to fuck with people's heads, maybe | can learn from him and fight back." Looking back, I'm ashamed | ever considered him a source of knowledge. | was going to read his book. | went to the card catalog and looked-it-up, then thought "Shit! Someone might be watching that one!" | wandered-off with a certain amount of paranoia building.

At this point, let me say what Hitler did was very unChristian and | don't condone it and never had in mind anything similar. All | was thinking was fighting-fire with fire, or perhaps immunizing people against mind-fucks.

Needless to say, my first episode has plagued me with bad trips like, "am | an anti- christ", because Hitler's generally regarded an "anti-Christ" and | almost got to his book, and if you think about it there are some similar trains of thought.

| was also bothered by a joke | heard when | was in high school--"Did you hear about the dyslexic satanists--they got '999' tattooed on their foreheads." Suddenly, | was afraid my concern over prices ending in '9' was satanic. (If | were to rile people-up about the issue of prices ending in '9's, they might have it on their minds (foreheads)?)

Back when there were stories of Bush being dyslexic, | started getting nervous all over a Stupid joke. (At the time, | had a few delusional notions connecting me with the president. | started being paranoid | was dyslexic.)

At this point, let me say, I've lost some of my simplistic notions of marketing and the economy. The evolutionary system in which companies thrive, on the whole appears to lead to an improving standard of living for all. Competition creates a stress which, in the words of Charles Dickens, might "try the soul" of corporate heads. Spiritually, it's not the shoppers who are in the most spiritual danger, most of the time. When corporations endanger the spiritual health of shoppers, however... that seems very bad. Jesus had harsh words for those who lead others astray.

Getting back to my first episode, my paranoia and imagination went on overdrive and | basically became completely irrational. | started hearing messages in songs. The radio started talking to me. | remember | got freaked-out when I saw a man in a suit pull-up and exit his car just after | went to my appartment. That night, | left my apartment carrying nothing with me and drove around, thinking about visiting my little brother, who was in an ASU dorm. Thoughts of the end of the world and stuff were on my mind. | headed-out of town going East from Phoenix. More craziness transpired on my way and eventually | made it to El Paso and a town called Marfa, known for unidentifyable lights in the night sky. (UFO's entered into my thinking many times, but | had no knowledge of Marfa being special at the time.)

My thinking was filled with conspiracy theories relating to things like rich kids having good tasting Vitiman C ("Hi C") while poor kids were deficient or had rotten tasting pills. (I Saw a mountain with a letter 'C' (the name of a city) on it and advertisements or billboards or something for "Hi C".) | bought a bunch of Vitiman C pills, ate some raw--they tasted really bad. | gave them to some elderly couple in a store who rightfully must have thought I was nuts.

Texas got me thinking to oil and the oil industry. | remember conspiracy stories | heard about a rotary engine getting really good gas milage but it being withheld from the market by some bad guys. | went to installation or something that in my mind became something to do with the oil industry. | picked-up a dog from a man.

Soon, a police man came and ask me to get in. | thought we would continue in the same direction, but he suddenly made a U-turn (going toward my car) and started accelerating really fast. | did not want to return to my car, so | bailed-out the passenger door.

| broke my collar bone in the fall and was probably knocked unconscious. | vaguely remember the ambulance and sometimes wonder if | died at that point in my life. At the hospital, they took X-rays. | remember one of my head that appeared to show some foreign object in my head. They said it was an artifact--scientific term for garbage introduced into data that's not really there. | was plagued by thoughts of that X-ray in the future, making me wonder if | had something in my head.

| was determined not to stick around that hospital. | escaped out a door, ran through a field and jumped into the seat of a pickup truck which was idling with people hanging-out in someone's front yard. Police cars approached. | was weak and easily overcome by the country boys owner of the truck.

They hauled me to jail. | started thinking about the corporate logos | was wearing and stripped my cloths off. As | sat in the holding cell | examined the fire alarm on the ceiling with it's odd shape and blinking light and thought it might be an alien artifact. There might have been rounded mirrors or other strange things on the ceiling. Aliens! | had to get-out. | saw a power-outlet on the wall... All doors are wired to open during a power-outage for safety reasons, | thought to myself... | took- off my glasses. | broke a piece off from my frame-off and shoved into one side... another piece into the other side creating a cradle.... | took the rubberized matrice off the bed and stood-on it to insulate (probably overkill) me as | placed the third piece across the others to short it and hopefully throw a circuit breaker, opening my door. Nothing happened because | was using black plastic pieces of my eyeglass frame instead of the metallic portion (I had hoped it was a conducting material other than plastic). Seeing a naked man standing on a matress messing with a power-outlet didn't go unknowticed very long! They opened the door and lead me off to the cavity search area where an enormous inmate was standing. That was scary.

Realizing | was a mental case, they soon sent me off to El Paso's mental hospital. In there | stopped eating because | feared people messing with my food. | didn't take meds because there were some zombies in there. | did 300 jumping-jacks every morning with a painful broken collar bone because | started to get religious and felt guilty for not exercising in the past. | broke a window with a chair and tried to escape.

In that hospital, | imagined some of the people were various people | had known. | felt guilty for wrongs | may have done. One day | washed people's feet (Christ washed people's feet and said to do the same to others. The Biblical story has meanings | don't fully understand, but | think it means not to be afraid to do the most menial chores for others.)

One day a woman (fellow mental health hospital inmate) picked a hair off my arm- brace. | realized | had been lazy in not cleaning it. In my religious zeal, | picked every hair off my brace and cloths. It soon became a habit. Eventually, seeing a hair would trigger me thinking "lazy" to myself. That was the start of symbolic thinking. Jumping ahead, | would spend time in peoples homes after cleaning my own apartment and hitting the road. | cleaned several bathrooms and kitchens. | would meditate while cleaning and sometimes I'd review my work and find a hair just about the time some lazy thought totally unrelated was crossing my mind (a lazy thought being a thought where | overlooked a detail or something). Seeing hairs became omens.

| hired a lawyer to get me out of the El Paso hospital. They released me before it became an issue. It was about 2 weeks | spent there. | took a bus from El Paso to where my car had been towed--somewhere a few hours North. | discovered | had no keys, but the doors were open! Never having learned how to hot-wire a car, | figured | was an electrical engineer and should be able to figure it out. Within an hour or two | had starting. | began to drive back home. My car broke-down in El Paso. My Dad flew in to help me out.

CHAPTER 2

| got to Phoenix, packed-up all my things and took them to GoodWill. | liquidated all my investments ($9000) and gave them to the Church. | quit my job. | started helping at homeless shelter while living at my sister's. | gave my car to my little brother (it had been given to me by my parents.) Poor Sean had to live with a switch started car for a while. The switch kept breaking and I'd have to come fix

it. Anyway, | wore-out my welcome at my sister's and moved into a homeless camp on a riverbed in Phoenix conveniently located. | got to know some homeless people. | never pan-handled, but | accepted a donation of dented cans. (Like you Ira :-)

| developed quite a daily ritual of cleaning my one pair of cloths with soap and water under an overpass in a drainage pool. | remember finding a hymnal from a church in the riverbed and being happy. | would hike a couple miles to the Cathederal and attend mass. | would spend long hours reading the Bible.

The other residents of the camp made shacks with pallets and blankets. | found a nice hollowed-out spot in the ground and thought it'd be neat to make more of a dug- out. | removed the weeds and borrowed a shovel from someone. My pride would haunt me as | was plagued with snakes during the night. There's nothing like the feeling of a snake awakening you at night as it crawls across your leg!

| was so emaciated from exercise they wouldn't let me donate plasma at a local center that catered to the homeless as a way of earning money. (I was down to 135 Ibs from 165-170. No comment what my weight is now :-)

Anyway, my ritual and inner focus lef me to be very conscious of my body and my environment looking for inspiration. At some point | saw a smashed bottle of salad dressing on the ground and thought it was an omen not to induldge. Looking back, I'm wondering if | was going-through a once-in-a-lifetime extreme of discipline that's probably good for everyone. Anyway, | was motivated all the more to keep from indulging in good foods during that time.

There were some break downs. | remember rebelling, buying a half-gallon of ice cream and eating it at night in a park near a hospital.

| walked through South Phoenix, the Mexican zone, and contemplated what I saw. | remember pushcarts selling popcycles. | wondered if | could get one of those jobs. | remember little stores with high prices and wondered if the poor suffered a double burden of low wages and high prices.

At the riverbed near the pipe under the overpass that drained the water supplying my little bathing area, | noticed several young men who must have been illegal (undocumented) aliens.

Eventually, the strangest part of my story begins. In my routine of cleaning my cloths, walking, praying, reading, | hyperanalyzing every detail because my environment was deprived of mental stimulus compared to the mentally demanding work in TicketMaster job. The stage was set for noticing little things like miniscule changes in my body--sensations here and there. Becoming conscious of a stimulus, I'd try to expand it into something more meaningful. I'd feel a minor pain in my knee and think, "hmm, My knee hurts... kneeling is related to humility... Have | been as humble as | could be?" (At a Catholic church, you kneel during mass at certain times

and it's not comfortable on your knees.) Or, "My collar bone hurts... Everytime | overexercise, my collarbone hurts... Overexercising is warlike... am | being too warlike?" The vocabulary of sensations built over time as did the clearity. Today, they happen with zero natural cause and fit perfectly as a commentary on my thoughts or actions.

I'll tell more, but | just picked a passage from the Old Testament (Jewish portion) relating to people worshiping "Baal". | pronounce that "Ball" and take it as a reference to worshiping testicals, sometimes called the family jewels. My sense is it's not a good thing to encourage conscious human breeding programs--let God do that. More importantly, that might be a distraction from worshipping the true God--God. | guess God wanted me to correct my previous email which might have been guilty of worshipping Ball.

I've attached files relating to the sensations... if you're curious you can look. There's a danger of drawing too much attention to me if we get into publishing or something--I don't want to create a cult around myself--instead, Christ, should be the focus.

A brief overview of the sensation vocabulary--right side is from Christ (he sits at the right side of the Father). Left side is from the Father. An angel presumably is the one actually causing the sensation acting as a messenger. Sensations with a "their" prefix are directed toward a 3rd party. Sensations on the hands generally have corresponding sensations on the feet with a "their" prefix prepended. Many sensations have an inverse ("not") usually located on the opposite side of the limb or digit.

This will probably never come to pass, but | can document the sensations | receive as | write and we could publish it, but that would be pretty weird. I'm not sure it would be good to encourage people to imitate what | do--it's been through a long complicated journey I've gotten where | am. Perhaps, finding your way on your own is an important part?

From what I've read, I'm a Christian mystic, but I'm not sure everything's right with my practices from the church's standpoint. Whenever I discover something wrong, | humbly fix it.

Terry

Terry,

| was wanting to see if your thoughts might be something that people would like to read. Nothing more, nothing less.

| am of the opinion that might want to consider trying to keep yourself in a direction and not wander off that direction. | believe that we can all wander and need to learn that going with the natural flow of life is a much easier road. | am also certain that God would want you to have a joyous life and a life that does not include strife. What do you think about this concept?

My sense is that you seemed a bit more grounded months ago than you are now. Am | right or wrong on that?

Ira

Hi Ira, | was nervous | might have offended you seriously. I'm the same-old-me, but maybe now you can better understand where I'm coming from.

Perhaps, not wandering off is a writing tip as well as a life tip?

Believe me, you don't want me to always go with my flow--my impulses or the desires that may tear at me from moment to moment. It's a battle to summon the will to live a semi-ordinary life. | have a keen sense of how much I can get away with on the job, unfortunately, and that gets me into trouble because my personal spirituality seems more important. (When you talk with spirits/angels or God, what else can compare?) I've paid-off my parents the debt | considered | owed them for the 2 years | lived there without rent. I've almost paid-off a debt I've owed to charity from my years as an athiest. The disgraceful fact is | didn't pay anything my entire life to charity or church until | started working for you... except that one-time donation of $9000 | mentioned. The budget program | give you automatically calculates a 5% charity 5% church figure (the rates recommended by the church) for all income if you set-up some special accounts <F: laugh>. Anyway, now, I'm viewing myself as a free man and | have no material desires. | have a $720 lease on my apartment, no car payment, and the other typical bills, including an expensive soda/snack habit. You ran an ad for a part-time electrical engineer. Perhaps, it's time to renegotiate, canceling some of my benefits and/or adjusting my salary (converting to hourly?) accordingly. Writing sounds interesting--I'd do it for free.

You heard how | left Ticketmaster... | didn't tell you how I left Xytec. When I started at Xytec | was in big debt from H.A.R.E. ($18,000 with charity/church included, though those weren't an issue to me at the time.) In two years, | paid-off the part owed to credit cards, made money for the down-payment on my car and saved-up $12,000. My little brother was moving to Vegas and | had been doing more personal writing, missing work and there was no real goal financially. | decided to move to vegas and write full-time, trying to get published.

Basically, I've had the opportunity to persue most of my dreams and fail at them. Not much is left, so | may as well devote as much time to spirituality, which brings fulfillment. | did the robotic thing (H.A.R.E.) enough to realize | don't want to runa business or create the next big invention. | wrote to my hearts content for a couple years and realized | had many ideas for changing the world, but suffered from a lack of wisdom as to what were good ones. | got stressed-out by the thought of being published. A monastary sounds interesting, but I'm not sure how well I'd fit in. 1 do horribly with women--I stand no chance of finding a non-married Catholic woman who'd date me with my pecularities.

From: lseaver@aol.com

To: tdavis@hare.com

Sent: Wednesday, June 26, 2002 12:18 AM

Subject: Re: About personal writing...

Terry,

| was wanting to see if your thoughts might be something that people would like to read. Nothing more, nothing less.

| am of the opinion that might want to consider trying to keep yourself in a direction and not wander off that direction. | believe that we can all wander and need to learn that going with the natural flow of life is a much easier road. | am also certain that God would want you to have a joyous life and a life that does not include strife. What do you think about this concept?

My sense is that you seemed a bit more grounded months ago than you are now. Am I right or wrong on that?

Ira

| programmed-up a MICR two days ago, and was able to create a single use 0 serial number cartridge. Note that the serial number doesn't mean it is multi-use--we'd have to have our own programmer. I'm reluctant to fiddle with the 3 bytes that are different between the OEM nonprebate MICR and, our standard prebate and our nonprebate. For example, there's one byte which is "FD" on one "BD" on another and "Esomething" on another. | have no way of knowing what would happen if | altered it. It's like gene splicing. There's only one way to find-out--doing lots of experiments and testing very carefully.

| have an important personal thing | have to do, | Suppose. | generally haven't been too aggressive in trying to pack "sensation" definitions onto my body. | figured I'd respect the distance or lack of too direct contact. By most accounts, talking directly with God is not <F: fuck you> healthy for humans? Oops, | thought there was some deep respect those who had contact with God held for getting too near, etc. Anyway, | occasionally pressed-my luck a bit with the sensations hoping to define distinct ones for each half of my body, but my efforts were ignored last time | tried (2-3 years ago) and | figured | better take a hint. A week or so ago, | had a sensation on the side of one of my fingers and thought, "hmm, there are many unused sports on my hands." Then | picked a random scripture passage, JEREMIAH 52:21-23, a little later in the evening and realized it mentioning something being "four fingers thick". That could be taken as <F: 1/3 fuck you> a reference to my fingers having 4 sides. Oh yeah, then | started getting fractional sensations (located a portion of the way up each finger) clearly referring to which fraction of the fingers | had sensations for or was missing. So, God appeared to be dropping hints | should define more sensations on my fingers and hands.

That sounds like a wonderful thing except I'm nervous. | read about a circus "seal boy" (hands attached directly to shoulders) recently in the news and I'm conscious of a distorted map | once saw in school depicting where your body has the most nerves by enlarging or shrinking each area. The hands were enormous. You're asking what's the problem? The bible mentions opening seals in the Book of Revelations (prophetic book about the end times).

| have plenty of faith things would go well for me, even if | should open the seal, so to speak... but even a remote possibility of bringing-on the end of the world shouldn't be taken too lightly. <F:that's the point>-->I must ask myself, do | trust the party encouraging me to proceed with the seal thing?

Terry, how do you feel about finishing off some projects and then making certain that someone else could step in if there were problems with programmers, etc. And how would you feel about waiting until | get back from this summer as it is important to me.

If you want to go another direction | cannot stop you although | do believe that you should try to stick with something.

What is it that you want to do?

Ira

When | was living in Phoenix, | had a roommate in college named Franck Drahy that was a French Jew of Morrocan descent. He happened to go to pilot school while | was there. Sound familiar? You heard about the 9/11 hijacker. Only detail that seems wrong is his being Jewish instead of Muslim.

This guy was a grad student researching concrete for his Phd. | was working on my structural simulation program and outlined my plans to him at that point--that | thought it might be fun to build simulated structures and destroy them in various ways. As a child, | remember building dams out of dirt and letting water overrun them. | played with Lego blocks a lot and firecrackers and generally had a destructive streak as a kid. Vegas does implosions, so | know I'm not alone. Structural engineering is centered around designing so it won't get destroyed. Engineering tests are often destructive--car safety tests for example.

Anyway, Franck wanted to become a lawyer. | couldn't figure-out what was wrong with being an ordinary engineer. | used to argue with him and debate lots of things. We enjoyed each other's company for the first 6th months he was there. Then, | saw him throw my cat half-way across the lawn when it got a steak he had left too low. He was a jock sort of guy, played on the ASU water polo team, and aparently rather violent, but short in stature. We had an argument when later, in a seperate

incident, my cat appeared injured and | acused him of abusing my cat. We argued and he threatened to pound my face. | thought I'd be clever and freak-him out by recalling something he confessed earlier -- he said he used to have to remind himself he was in America and people here were crazy and have guns. Anyway, | repeated what he said he'd say to himself, "Franck, you're in America, people have guns".

Perhaps, our friendship was broken at that point anyway, but | regret resorting to that. The odds of a fight were probably slim and | needlessly made things worse.

Jumping around a Bit, Franck had a brother who twice came for a month visit while we were there. (I can't stop laughing now because | just remembered his brother liked the Irish-American Rap band called House of Pain who wrote a song called Jump Around. | wasn't thrilled about rap music, but years later changed my mind. Looking-back, his musical choice was probably a friendship gesture.) | forgot what his brother did, | think he was studying law.

To my shame, I had the rather popular anti-lawyer sentiment that is common. Now, | see they have a job which places enormous demands on personal integrety with the potential for incredible character being formed in those who don't yield to temptations.

Franck said he hated people who "just do money". He was referring to financial traders and stuff who, in his mind, were contributing nothing to society. |,

however, had admiration for entrepreneurs so things related to stocks didn't register as a bad thing on my radar.

Franck went to pilot school after | pissed him off when there was the cat incident. <1/3 not lazy>I can't explain the coincidence between him studying concrete and me working on a structural simulation program--I'm pretty sure | formulated my ideas before meeting him. Aparently, my vision for the SimStructure computer program-- destroying buildings in various ways might have been passed along to him. | don't think | said this, but | remember growing-up as the son of someone in the nuclear power industry, one of the things they'd mention was that the containment structures could survive a hit from an aircraft without breeching. Aricraft hitting buildings is not a new idea by a long shot. | want to emphasize I'm not a terrorist, only a good-ol-boy American with a health fascination with the challenges of making buildings structurally sound.

| won't leave you in a bind, unless | have an episode or something out of my control which I'm pretty sure won't happen--I've generally gotten better adapted to my new reality and cope with it. One thing that probably contributed to my leaving Ticketmaster and Xytec was being at transitional points where they, in my mind, could afford to lose me with little difficulty.

As for what | should be working on, adding the new sensations, in the scheme of things--seems like a high priority since God appears to be hinting at it. It's a complex linguistic challenge. | don't thing God'd go for putting an alphabet on my fingers--not His style, from my experience. I'm trying to pick multiple words that would be distinguished by context and easy to remember and useful. | could use <C: laugh> outside assistance, but | don't expect to get it.

| forgot to mention in that SimStructure program | wrote, | included a scenario with a pair of buildings like those towers in Malasia (they have a bridge part way up). A guy from Malasia contacted me in a chat room, but he said he was Indian living in Malasia. He wanted to help work on my program. | sent him the computer source code. He seemed hopelessly lost, so | forgot about him. Malasia has a large Muslim population... Perhaps, | pissed them-off with my Scenario where an earthquake brings down the towers. Those towers are a source of pride.

Finally, | got to thinking about Sampson again and the two towers sound suspiciously like two pillars?

<F: 1/3 that's the point(1/3=.333=holy number as opposed to 2/3=.666=unholy number)>I had nothing against world trade or the stock market, yet, did | do something indirectly by accident?

Serena and | discussed how | feed my fish and | got to <C: too humble> worrying about the small fish. | decided consolidating feeding would give them better odds of getting food before it was gobbled by the fast ones. | didn't actually reduce the number of feedings per day, but fed them more every time. Bad idea, as it turns out!

Why would a carefully evolved fish not have sense enough to keep from self- destructing? Perhaps, the self-destruct protects the group when one fish get's too fit, depriving others. The genetic deversity of the group is worth much, as nature would indicate.

The goldfish group is probably tuned to recieving a certain amount of food.

These considerations might be important in considering a fabricator device for the home market, if someone decides to do that down the road. Humanity, might experience a dramatic termoil if resources suddenly changed one way or the other. Then, again, humans are rational and God is guiding us, so, nothing to fear? Perhaps, God in His wisdom has placed the danger from excess resources out of reach.

These ideas seemed to promote a sense that looking-out for the group's interest and diversity is a valued attribute. Nature comfirms Christian values.

have you looked into auto feeders> any progress on the AR201?

Ira

Over the weekend, | decided | might need to get a girlfriend. | went to a certain Irish Pub in town and was pleased to find 3 young attractive lasses sitting at a table with no man in sight. | sat down and tried to decide which one I'd go for, remembering my brother's advice that you pick the one who's not the prettiest. They all seemed about the same, but their faces seemed a bit odd because they had strange cheekbones, | latter suspected plastic surgery. Anyway, | sat down and offered to buy drinks. I'm now open to the possibility that Irish might be partial to food and drink gifts. | had been considering pick-up lines in my apartment before leaving but decided those would turn-me off if | were them. Anyway, | had some good ones--"! like to play baseball, are you in my league?" (Can't remember if that's my own

or not.) | picked-out a shirt from what was clean and it gave some ideas for pick-up lines. It was full of a slightly abstract "XOXOX" pattern. | thought "Want to play a game?" Might be good as | pointed to my shirt. (I confess | had some irritated thoughts contemplating the dating scene that may have influenced my thinking reminding me of the movie WARGAMES? My conscious thinking was "XOXOX" is hugs and kisses. I'm not sure what pointing to a shirt full of prior games might mean.)

| asked if they were from out-of-town. They said Albuquerque, New Mexico. One said she was a 1st grade teacher, a second said 2nd grade teacher and a third said she was a nurse and that they were sisters. | said, after a long pause, "I'll buy that." They burst-out laughing and I, stupidly didn't figure-it out.

| said, "Oh, Jeez, you're probably married!" The first two said they were and the third said divorced. About this time a man walked-over and talked in a suspicious Irish accent. He picked-up each hand of the ladies and said to the first "you suck", to the

second, "so do you" and to the third, "We need to talk..." | was impressed with his boldness and his prioritizing topics of conversation and wished I'd done that. | confess, he out-charmed me. Latter, | considered he might be mocking my directness.

He started cutting-in, walking off with lady number three. Later, on my way home, | thought of defense lines against such maneuvers should | return, like "I've never seen a Green card, can you show me one?" or "So, do they give Catholic Irish Green

cards and Protestant ones Orange cards?" Might start a genuine brawl :-)

| had a chat with lady number 2 while the other two were off with Irishman number 1. | explained | was opposed to remarriage, that my Mom threw a fit when my sister remarried and that | could understand how such a thing would screw-up whole extended families. | said "I just do what they tell me. | figure some wise guy worked- it all out." <F: humble (Getting a sensation in my knee saying to be humble)> Anyway, something didn't seem quite right about those ladies--it seemed like a set- up. Now, I'm wondering if they were prostitutes--that would explain why they burst- out laughing and, a little later on, one made the "L" finger sign on her forehead when | didn't follow-through. Irishman 1 might have been a pimp. | might have really confused them because Irishman 1 had a friend who stopped by at the start, who seemed a bit odd--| wonder if they thought "I'll buy that" meant "bisexual".

Now, I'm wondering if | accidentally just delivered a warning from some imaginary organized crime family--I did say "wise guy" and "I just do what they tell me."

Shutting down a prostitution ring in an Irish Pub may have been <C laugh> my good deed for the weekend. More likely, it's just my active imagination.

| guess you could try to hype the value of your ethnic stock by manipulating the market through pornography. It's <F: lazy> against my values... (Consfused by that sensation...) I'm a buyer, not a seller... But | guess I'm also a seller. Anyway, I'm not about <C: that's the point> to advocate manipulation--I'll stick with what my faith says.

| just picked a passage from the old testament about a false profet who sent letters to people. His name was Seminiah or something like that. It was the passage were someone else was instructed to tell him something about police and madmen and such. I'm concerned | may be a false profit, a concern anyone who claims to have contact with God should have.

I've learned some truths. You can <F:laugh> <C:laugh> make people happy by telling them they are right. It's tempting, therefore, to look for spiritual solutions which result in the conclusion that every religion is correct. That conclusion is incorrect, unfortunately.

It's not okay for some religions to hype the value of their stock with pornography.

More importantly, | may be a false profit. At least, I'll try to be a good Catholic The title to this email is a famous quote from Christ when he addressed Jews in his day. l'm proud to say with a better diet, my nausea <F: childish> has passed. Anyway, | wanted to appoligize for some of the unCatholic things | said.

| shouldn't have glorified the feeling you get when you scheme at a good comeback (when I was thinking of what I could have said to that Irishman in the Pub). The indulging in aggressive thinking when conceiving of pick-up lines <C: rings a bell> | also feel guilty for. Finally, the bit about brawling... I'm not sure about. Brawling would seem unCatholic, but | can't figure-out why the most prestigious university in the United States, Notre Dame, has the mascot, the Fighting Irish.

Now that's a mystery? Maybe, the Pope should fix that <thumbs up> because that seems unCatholic.

Brawling in bars may appear to be a way to promote rapid

evolutionary advancement, but I'm sure that's just naive superficial analysis of evolutionary dynamics. | have faith that God has <F: childish> good plans for the world and that those plans will be achieved by me following my faith and promoting it.

The forces reforming the church now with the sex scandels should also target that Fighting Irish mascot--I'm sure most Catholics in their hearts believe that is unCatholic. | have some idea of how a muslim must feel when there are militant temptations present, but you know they aren't right.

| wouldn't be surprised if <F: rings a bell> some person at the school in the past thought it would be a marketing coupe and sacrificed core values. He probably caved into some of the same temptations | did--everyone wants to get caught-up in ethnic pride. It's human and we must resist. When you see the big picture and the coevolution aspects you feel foolish for caving-in.

| will defend my decision to visit an Irish Pub. | don't normally go to bars and don't make it a point to pick Irish ones. This time, however, | figured | take advantage of the simple fact that <C: childish> there are compatibility advantages to seeking people similar to yourself--the odds of finding other catholics goes-up in an Irish bar.

| guess it's not a crime to have a little pride in your heritage. | wouldn't advocate pressing Hispanics to become Americanized. America becomes enriched with diversity, but perhaps, there's something to be admired in those who make unity stronger by fitting-in.

----- Original Message -----

From: Terry Davis

To: tedmcd8@lvcm.com

Sent: Tuesday, July 09, 2002 10:38 PM Subject: My dialog with Ira

Subject: maybe superstition, maybe not From: "Terry Davis"

Date: Fri, 10 May 2002 00:23:02 -0700 To: "Ira Seaver"

Ira,